…or so I thought.

But I had a problem I didn’t know how to deal with, and it required some help.

So like any Alpha, strong willed entrepreneur, I decided to deal with it head on.  I called a local psychologist and made an appointment.  Walked into the office on the day and time of my appointment and said “I’ve got a problem and I need to get past this emotional crap.  I give it 30 days and then I need to move on.”

Well bless her heart, because that woman introduced me to what has become the most important part of myself – my emotional body – and showed me not only how to get in touch with my emotions, but how to use them to my advantage.  To become more compassionate for other people, to “have a heart” so to speak.  In time, I learned that being all up in my head wasn’t working, and I slowly but surely learned to follow my heart and balance out the two.

A little strange for a hard-driving computer geek like me, but I decided to give it a try.

Three years later, I asked that same psychologist, “When does this end?”  She laughed gently and replied “The ladder has a neverending set of rungs.  This is lifetime work.”  Honestly, I didn’t understand it at the time – I didn’t want to commit to a lifetime of internal personal work – I wanted results NOW!  It frustrated me because I was used to DOING stuff, not BEING in the moment.  (and in the emotion)

Today, I am a very emotionally balanced, happy human being.  My business is thriving as I help others to build theirs.  Other hard driving Alpha types call me every day to begin the journey that I started.   Except today, I have shortcuts and lots of systems to help people get happier even faster than ever before (thanks to my computer and systemic patterning training for that!)

I’ve studied with masters of practical application of applied psychology, persuasion, linguistics, cognitive psychology and happiness.  Wow, what a transformation from computer geek to behaviorist.  But to me its all just patterns and systems.  People have patterns just like computers have patterns.  We just need a little reprogramming or upgrading from time to time…

So if you’re one of those Alpha types who thinks you are making decisions logically, without emotion, think again.  All decisions have emotion attached to them.  If you’re ready to figure out how to harness that, give me a call.  Your business (and life) will explode into new realms, and I promise, even though the ride is rocky, it’s blissful and stable on the other side.  Think you can stand the challenge?  (I bet you can…)

In case you haven’t seen it, the movie is about a guy who travels the country, 300 days per year, and fires people for a living. He loves every aspect of traveling, especially the parts that require him not to commit to any relationships – not family, not friends and certainly not a love interest.  He just doesn’t have time.

Then he meets someone and his life gets turned upside down.

Suddenly his heart is hooked on a love interest.  He decides to go to his sister’s wedding, even though the family has written him off.  After successfully facilitating a discussion with a very cold-footed  groom-to-be who doesn’t think he wants to get married anymore, it became obvious to me that this guy’s major strength was the very thing he’d been trying to avoid.  Relationships.  Communication.  He’s actually very masterful at it.

And so realizing his strength and starting to use it, things begin to change in his life.  First, he gets grounded due to some new technology that allows the company to fire people via the internet.  (not such a great idea).   He strengthens his relationship with family and his love interest and his co-workers.   Suddenly, life has meaning.  All because external forces forced him to really realize his strengths.

It is this way with many people – not working or living in your strengths.  Finding struggle at every turn.  Not admitting that maybe the work you’re doing just isn’t for you.   Making the changes necessary to “right” your life.

I’ve been making massive changes in my life lately to accommodate some big new ways to help you be more passionate and purposeful in your career.  In order to go to the next level, I’ve had to say goodbye to certain things I thought I wanted, and really being honest about my own personal blueprint has helped me to shed the things that were not my strengths and find new ways to get things done.

There are 6 things that you need to address to be able to move to the next level.  I’m going to be teaching you those 6 things in our upcoming Manifest Change Now! teleseminar series and helping you to find your own personal blueprint for success.  It’s an uber-affordable series to help you be your passionate, purposeful self starting out this new decade.

I know many of you have been going through things that have seemed difficult lately.  Isn’t it time to do something different?

Leave me a comment and let me know what you’ll let go of or do differently starting NOW.

The year was 1984 and Iwas a year out of high school.  Having decided that I was grown up enough to live in my own apartment, (even though I couldn’t really afford it), with a rusty old ugly green sedan for transportation, I muddled through.  Working a part time job and going to school part time, I spent most nights at home eating baked potatoes because they were cheap and filled me up.

During the day, my thoughts were constantly on worrying about what my future would hold.  In fact, I had such a stranglehold on my fear and worry that I would stay up awake at night, millions of thoughts in my head clouding my mind.

Then…just as I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they did. 

It was an innocent move.  I had watched my then boyfriend start the engine on his motocross motorcycle plenty of times.  It looked so easy to do it myself.  I hopped up on the motorcycle, grabbed the handlebars and kicked down as hard as I could, expecting the engine to rev up and come to life. 

Instead, I felt the crunching of bones, my foot breaking in four places (I wouldn’t know that for sure for quite a while later).  Four surgeries, two years on crutches and lots of pain later, I could finally walk again. 

I made adjustments in school, moved into a new place with roommates, found new ways of coping with my situation and even found happiness and joy in what would be such a difficult time.  As the bills piled up from my surgeries, new challenges came up for me to deal with.  Set in my old anxious ways, I got scared.

Really scared.

My mother had been helpful all through this time, and she saw how scared I was.  Looking at me one day she said “Worry is a huge waste of energy and time.  You can only deal with what’s happening right now.  The future hasn’t happened and the past is gone.  So if you stay up at night filled with worry, you’ll just be tired and worried.”

It was a breakthrough moment for me.   That night, I decided that I would deal with my problems in the morning, after a good night’s sleep to clear my head.  I slept blissfully through the night.

Did the problems disappear?  No.  But my attitude changed. 

I learned that day that sometimes breakthroughs feel like breakdowns.  Things don’t go the way you planned.  People leave, projects stall, things get messy.  But when you keep trying to do the things that aren’t working, you just make yourself sick. 

I’m still having breakthroughs today, as I know you are too.  Lots of great things are happening and in the midst of it all, lots of things are changing, so it sometimes feels messy.   I want you to know that whatever is going on in your life today that seems messy, you are having a breakthrough.    It will all be okay. 

Leave a comment and let me know what breakthroughs you’re having…

Yet for so many, stuck seems to be a state that is stubbornly present, even defeating in the lives of so many.

You know, the web site tweak that just has to be done before you promote, the sales script that needs to have every word perfect before you make the call, the distraction of finding something new to create instead of focusing on the thing that’s in front of you.   And the worst of all – just not knowing what to do next.

It’s the Getting Ready to Get Ready syndrome.

And some of you have it… BAD!

I was talking with a client yesterday who is in a career transition.  But instead of hopping from one career to the next, he’s making an interim stop as a consultant while looking for the next path.  With a possible job that fell through, he was stuck.

“I think I’ll install some new tools on my computer so I’m ready when the next opportunity comes,” he told me firmly.

“Really?”  I asked.  “How do you know the next job will need those exact tools?”

“Well,” he said, “it’s kind of like home improvement projects.  You like to have a hammer around so you’ll be ready”  he said.

“What if the roof caves in?” I questioned jokingly.  “How is the hammer going to help you?”

He laughed quietly and said “Yeah, I see what you mean.  But what do I do?”

And therein lies the problem.  If you’re getting ready for the next opportunity but you haven’t defined or even decided what you want, you will never get the opportunity. It’s that simple.

“The first thing you must do is make a decision to get 1 consulting job.  Just one.”  I told him.   “Next, you must take imperfect action.  Start asking people about their challenges that you can help them with. Be in conversation.  It will lead to business.  I guarantee it.”

We talked then for a while about what to say to people and how to be in the conversation.  At the end of our session, he was not only unstuck, but actually excited about taking action – even imperfect action – to support his decision to move forward with this part of his transition.

No one is immune.  Recently, I was trying to make sure that our 2-Day Tuneup signature event was perfect.  In fact, I was working so hard to make sure the event was perfect that I almost forgot to tell you about it!  Just one more tweak to the website, one more segment of fun to get in there, one more…etc.   I was so engrossed in the “getting ready to get ready” to tell you that I finally had to make the decision to stop tweaking and start telling!  Duh.  But like I said – we’re not immune and we’re all in the process called LIFE.

So what do you need to make a decision to stop doing and what will you decide to start doing?  I’m curious.  Leave a comment and let’s get the energy moving!

As the training went on, I discussed protocol, troubleshooting, hacking (oh excuse me, I meant to say “breaking down patterns to achieve entry into a network”) ARP, RARP, PING and a hundred other protocols.  We talked hexadecimal and binary numbering systems, packet loss and router tables.   Exciting stuff when you’re a geeky engineer.

But something was missing.

You could see it in their eyes.

While they were excited about the material, I could just tell that there were bigger things going on for these stoic (mostly) men and women.  They were in pain.  They were dealing with big things in life – divorce, stress, fear, worry and doubt about keeping their job, staying up on technology and running their businesses and departments.

So I read them a story.

Picking up a Chicken Soup for the Soul book, I quietly read a humorous and inspirational story with as much animation as I could muster.  The message hit them squarely in the heart – without hope, there is no life.   It was that small spark of hope in their eyes  from that tiny little story that my life changed that day.

Fast forward to today.

The Accidental Millionaire is currently experiencing a new surge of activity.  Why?  People want hope, purpose and passion in their lives.  We crave it.  But we don’t know how to get it.  It’s not taught in school, and I think that’s a shame.  That’s why I wrote the book.

You are here to learn and grow, to give your gifts to the world and become the authentic, beautiful you that you are. We all are.  I’m so glad to be on the journey with you.   (Sometimes it feels more like a roller coaster though, right?)

So tell me this:  as we head into the new year, what hopes and dreams do YOU have that you are ready to fulfill?  For me, it’s a much bigger platform and I’m ready to receive that.  What are YOU ready to receive?  Leave a comment below and let’s discuss..

I used to think that getting things done was all “mind over matter”, but not now.  You see, you already have inside of you all of the resources you need to get what you want, change what you want and be who you want.  (I know, it’s sometimes hard to believe, but it’s true).   

I’m on my way to Dallas in a couple of weeks to do two 2-Day Turnarounds with a man and a woman who are both having mental and emotional challenges around what’s next in their life and their career.  Helping them to see things in a different way, using a different perspective is essential to be able to get out of the rut.  

So what’s keeping you in the rut?  Is it a consistent, persistent negative thought pattern, negative emotion, physical or emotional pain?  Is it doing the same things that don’t work over and over instead of admitting it’s not working and finding a new way?  If you’re saying to yourself “I know there’s something stopping me but I don’t know what it is”, then there are a couple of things you need to do:

1.  Know that you’re in charge.  Yep, only YOU can control how you feel, think and act. 

2.  Consider a different perspective.  What would you problem seem like from a “fly on the wall” perspective?

3.  Rewrite your life.  At some point, you made a decision to have these problems, because you’re in charge.  Go back to the first time you can remember having it and ask yourself why you needed it then and how it was serving you.  (because it does have a purpose, even if it feels negative). 

4.  Get help.  It’s difficult to see the problem when you’re in the problem.  Ask someone else for help.

So how have you been in charge of your emotional states and what have you done to break yourself free from negativity?  Leave a comment below and let me know.

This year has definately been a year of high-impact change.  (Funny, when I added that to our mission statement to help others create high-impact change in the shortest amount of time, I guess I was really talking to myself.  Oh well, glad you’re here along for the ride!)

Coming out on the other side of massive changes in my life this year has been a really wonderful, exciting and sometimes downright terrifying experience.  I’ve learned to love through breakups, illness and course correction.  I’ve learned to surrender and be in the moment, listen to the Universal messages and be okay “being in the GOO” (as my friend Sarah Robinson says).

Recently, I called several of our clients and asked “why did you hire us?”  Every one of them, from Executives to solo entrepreneurs, said “Because something had to change and I didn’t know how”.

So why are we so afraid of change – even positive change?  Here are some thoughts:

1.  We don’t know for certain what the endpoint will be. When new territory is crossed, we can only go one step at a time.  Many people find that very unsettling – not knowing the destination.  Yet step by step is the ONLY way to make progress.

2. Paralysis from fear.  Trying to peek into the future with certainty is a clear formula for anxiety, fear and failure.  No one is certain of the future.  Tomorrow may not come.  I mean, you don’t go to bed every night terrified that the sun won’t come up tomorrow, do you?  Probably not.  Yet, there is no guarantee.

3. We think it’s going to hurt. Making positive change in your life is the only way to ensure success and happiness.  If you don’t make that change, you will be stuck in an unfulfilling, purposeless life filled with regret at the end.  No one wants that.  Your purpose is to make choices that make you happy, so if you’ve got too much or too little of something in your life – something’s got to change.

Have you started thinking about the changes you want to make – in your relationships, health, career, life?  What might your one word theme be for next year?  Mine is going to be FLOW  (Follow, Love, One, Wisdom)

Leave a comment and let me know what you would like to change – it will start you on your way!

Peace and love,

Stephanie

Sometimes you just want to quit.

I have something very personal I want to share today.

This past year, has been one of those upheaval and transformational times for me too.   While we were going through the trials of getting things right in the University, I was also helping my mother through a series of health challenges that put her in the hospital over 20 times between August and May.  For a while during this time last year,

I was going to the emergency room every two weeks, over 72 visits.

During this time, I also got a divorce and lost my two biggest clients on the same day.

So why am I telling you this?  Definitely not to make you feel anything but joy for sharing because while these experiences could have been devastating, I was primarily able to maintain a calm emotional state through the change (yes, there were some very anxious times, but they were relatively short lived)

I could have buried my head in the sand and said “Why me?”

But our clients, people like you, needed more help to get through their own challenges.

And for that I am grateful.

You see, massive change can cause great creativity.  So what did I do?

Well, I put my full effort into making the University the best resource for helping people make change happen that I could. We developed great new ways of helping people manage changes that are going on.  We debuted the Inner Circle the most cost-effective change, producing coaching group.   The list goes on and on.

In a few short weeks, we will be debuting the new Success IQ University community- where people are making change happen.  You are one of those people, and we’re proud to know you.

If change is happening in your life right now, you’re going to be ok.

We’ll do it together…

Some days, you just wake up apathetic or discouraged, for what could be no reason at all.  Oh sure, there’s always some reason, but it’s probably not at all what you think.  I mean, there are so many blessings to count, so much goodness around but sometimes you just have to let yourself feel poopy for a little bit before you move on.

It’s not that you’re unhappy or miserable with everything in your life.  Maybe it’s just one area (like your money, your environment, your health, your career or your relationships) that’s not working so well that throws everything else off.  And maybe you feel like you’re working really hard to “make things happen” only to find yourself spinning your wheels on the bicycle of life.

Been there.  Got it.  Totally understand.  I have those days too (yes, even the Queen of Happiness hits a bump once in a while) 

Emotion, when left unacknowledged, becomes negativity and can lead to depression.  Depression is projected to be the #2 killer in by 2020.  When emotional upset (frustration, confusion, conflict, overwhelm, fear, anxiety, worry) becomes an everyday lifestyle, momentum stops.  It makes sense:  how can you be focused and on target when you’re overcome with worry about your job, your money, your relationships, your career, your health… ________________________ (fill in your own thing here.)?

It’s impossible.

But there’s good news:  today we can all make a choice to acknowledge the negativity (notice I said acknowledge, not wallow in it)

So you’re feeling ________________.   Great! Here’s what to do next:

1.  Give yourself 5 minutes to identify and acknowledge your emotion.

2.  Say out loud “I’m feeling ________  Oh well!  This too shall pass..”  (because it will)

3.  Now that it’s been acknowledged, you can move on.  Go about your day (don’t try to change things – that will only put you back in wallowing mode.

4.  DO something different.  A task that needs to be done.  Go for a walk.  Hug another person (or your dog).  Whatever.   Just make sure you’re in motion (even if it feels like slow motion) and NOT spending your time wallowing in the emotion.

5.  Congratulate yourself for moving through the emotion instead of ignoring it.

By doing these simple things, you will learn to become more emotionally intelligent, which will help you to increase your health, happiness, stamina, relationships and bank account.

Honestly, that’s what I used to think about happiness.  No time for that “happy crap” – got stuff to do!  And as for the people who made a living dealing with all of that emotional stuff?  Wow, what a waste of time!

Now I am one of those people. My how things have changed.  In retrospect, I guess they haven’t changed all that much. I was thinking about it the other day – the extreme satisfaction, joy and, yes happiness that I can now help people feel instantly when we unravel life’s challenges is felt so deep in my soul that I now know that for most of my life I wasn’t living my true purpose.

Like I said, things haven’t really changed all that much.  When I used to work with computers (you know, the really important stuff in life) and speak to engineers, I always had a copy of Chicken Soup for the Soul in my pocket.  I’d do my lecture on protocol and TCP/IP, and then read a story about some life challenge – getting through tough times, being in the moment or dealing with people.

Yesterday we had another amazing Inner Circle group coaching call.   Dr. Ray and I answered questions about what to do when you:

• - Just lost your job
• - Need to make money fast
• - Have health challenges
• - More family to feed
• - Want to grow a business faster

Big stuff.  Life stuff. And at the root of it all is emotions.  And happiness.  How could I have ever thought that was unimportant?  Well, not anymore!  Several of these people in the coaching club were laughing when they got off the phone.  The problem hadn’t disappeared, but they were now able to be happy in the midst of the problem.  Perfect!

You too can be happy, no matter what’s happening in your life.  Here are a couple of ways to shift yourself out of a funk:

1.  Play a happy song.  If you can’t find one, I suggest Michael Franti’s Say Hey (I’m kind of addicted to this song at the moment)

2. Get back in the moment.   When you’re worrying about your future, you will be fearful and anxious.  When you are dwelling in the past, you will feel regret or sadness.  Being in this moment, right now makes it impossible to feel any of those emotions.  The future hasn’t happened – you’re making it up.  The past is gone.  Music can also bring you back.  Listen closely (and watch) the lyrics to Nickelback’s If Today Was Your Last Day

3.  Acknowledge your emotions to move on.  Get out a piece of paper and put a line down the middle.  In the left column, write down all the reasons why your current situation stinks.  Get it all out.  Acknowledge every negative emotion you have around it.  Then in the right column, brainstorm all the things you get to be, do or have because this problem is in your life.  (Do this part with a friend if you need help).

The good news is that if you’re not happy, you get to fix it.  You don’t have to spend so much time trying to figure things out – you already know what’s not working.  That’s what you get to change.

Isn’t life interesting?