For many, it is inconceivable that someone famous, wealthy or in the perfect relationship could have anything but joy in their life.  We have little regard for those who are in a better situation than us.  Yet this is a topic that bears discussion, for anyone reading this today who wishes for more success in your life will surely at some point be subjected to many of the same stressors that Michael Jackson did.  (though not to the same degree)

Many of you have written asking me to post on this topic.  Michael Jackson’s demons have been obvious for 2 decades or more.  It has shown greatly through his music.  As his star began to rise with his solo album “Off the Wall”, he wrote songs of life, happiness and joy.  It got more intense with Thriller, as his genius shone through his music.  That’s when the pressure started.  Beginning with the song Carousel (an extra track on Thriller album) Michael begins to show strain.  Consider these lyrics:

She’s from a world
of popcorn and candy
pony rides for a dime
little children laughing

I’m from a world
of disappointment and confusion
But I want her to be mine

I lost my heart
on the carousel
to a circus girl
who left my heart in pieces

While this could be interpreted many ways, I choose to consider these lyrics as an unconscious cry for help.  The carousel representing the throngs of people, opportunities and spotlight suddenly thrust in his face, going round and round in new and unfamiliar territory.  The girl representing fame, adoration and all things that artists want and need in order to have a sustainable public career.  Discovering that it was not as glamorous as it seemed to be, having his personal life suddenly out for display to millions of people when he was already in an emotionally overwhelmed state is like the girl who broke his heart.

Of course, the love of performing, perfecting his singing and dance moves, and pure passion for his work continued to drive him   Additionally his handlers, publicists, managers and advisors would have never said at that time in his career “why don’t you take a rest”  No way.  And so we got the next album, “Bad”.  Another great album, with more obvious cracks coming.

Consider these two tracks – “Man in the Mirror”  and “Leave me Alone”.  While the second is a pretty obvious title, Man in the Mirror clearly takes an introspective look at the world around.  He says:

I’ve been the victim of
a selfish kind of love
It’s time that I realize
there are some with no home
not a nickel to loan
could it really be pretending that they’re not alone?

As fame consumed him even more, Leave me alone became an interesting development in what I believe is a major shift in his ability to handle the pressures of success.  He says the words “Leave me Alone” 31 times in this song, and again refers to the “girl” this way:

There Was A Time I Used To
Say Girl I Need You
But Who Is Sorry Now
You Really Hurt, You Used To
Take And Deceive Me
Now Who Is Sorry Now
You Got A Way Of Making Me
Feel So Sorry
I Found Out Right Away
Don’t You Come Walkin’-
Beggin’ I Ain’t Lovin’ You
Don’t You Get In My Way

Here the same “girl” he was chasing takes on a very new and different persona.  But probably the most haunting lyrics came out of a song on the next album, Dangerous.  The song Will you Be There not just hints at, but begs for help.  Consider these lyrics:

Everyone’s taking control of me
Seems that the world’s
Got a role for me
I’m so confused
Will you show to me
You’ll be there for me
And care enough to bear me

At this point in his life, Michael Jackson could not even cross the street, go out in public, or go to the grocery store to pick up a gallon of milk.  Almost all normal human behaviors were now unavailable to him due to his fame.  If he went out, he would get mobbed.   When he did venture out, it was in costume.  The emotional downside of that kind of success – the lonliness, self-doubt, lowered self-esteem, regret, sorrow, pain and fear is rarely talked about.  But it should be.  After all, we all want success, do we not?  And yet, people are not taught how to manage emotions, relationships, finances, career, mental and physical health when suddenly on the fast track to success.

At the memorial service, Marlon Jackson bravely shared his thoughts about Michael’s inability to have a normal life:

The next stages of breakdown further showed in the spoken lyrics of Will you Be There, as Michael showed the emotional side of questioning life purpose.  This is a very emotional and important piece of life and certainly not only at the feet of people with a certain amount of public celebrity.  Questioning purpose is on the lips and minds of every successful executive, business owner, entrepreneur, and anyone with a fast-moving life or career.  Purpose is the all important question that we alone must answer – and it wasn’t clear whether Michael ever did get that answer for himself, as he spoke in the song:

In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
And my tripulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I’ll never let you part
For you’re always in my heart.

The descent further carried itself out in later albums with song lyrics such as “Scream”, “They don’t care about us”, “Blood on the dance floor”, “Morphine”,”Ghosts”, “Is it Scary?” “Cry”, ”Privacy” and “Threatened”.  It doesn’t take much analysis to figure out the downward slide that these songs shared consciously or unconsciously with the audience.  This was a person in great pain.  It was a pain of fame, but most importantly a pain from the pure lack of emotional intelligence that was so sorely needed for him to have been able to enjoy life.

So while this is my own personal opinion on the lyrics, I will say this:  you do not have to be a celebrity to experience similar kinds of emotional breakdown as you experience sudden or increased success.  Emotional intelligence (your ability to manage and experience your emotions) is at the root of whether you will ultimately be happy in your life, purposeful in your work and passionate about your activities.  When you have these things, you will have the world….at the best price – peace.

But there’s something else going on – something nobody’s talking about.

On the other side of the fear and failure are people and organizations that are experiencing massive success.  Reality television shows make instant celebrities.  Business owners with “hot” ideas are growing faster than they ever have before.  One in 8 couples are now meeting online.

And they are getting crushed under the pressure of sudden success.

While most people think they want fame, fortune or something bigger, they are wholly unprepared for the emotional, mental and physical skills they will need to manage newfound success.  Celebrities deal with this all the time.  The late Michael Jackson, undeniably the King of Pop (whether you like him or not) lived a life of emotional trauma, lost youth and low self-esteem.  Shia LaBeouf: “I don’t handle fame well,” LaBeouf says. “Most actors on most days don’t think they’re worthy. I have no idea where this insecurity comes from, but it’s a God-sized hole. If I knew, I’d fill it, and I’d be on my way.”  

Now you don’t have to be a celebrity to experience the demands of sudden success.  Take the business owner who suddenly finds himself or herself leading an organization for which they are ill-equipped to run.  They lack the people skills, the leadership skills and emotional intelligence to make things work smoothly.  Working hours increase.  Productivity decreases.  Frustration and overwhelm take over.  Anxiety becomes normal.  Then personal criticism starts, which begins a never ending cycle of self-doubt and lowered self-confidence.

It doesn’t have to be that way.   Here are 5 things you must know if you are experiencing sudden success in any area of your life.

1.  Sudden Success Brings out the Weirdos. When you become more visible in your company, publicly or even in your family, weird things can happen.  It’s like the old story of the crabs in the pot – whenever one crab almost reaches the top of the pot and newfound freedom, the other crabs pull him back in to die.  Expect opportunities to arise, communications to increase and watch out for people who want to use you or ride your coattails.  You will need some trusted advisors to put together a system to discern your good opportunities and weed out the dream stealers.

2.  You will need to learn emotional intelligence. When success demands more of you, it will demand more of your emotional energy as well.  You will have days where you wonder if it’s all worth it, and begin the cycle of self-defeat.  Don’t go there.  Likewise, you will need to learn to manage your emotional state in every situation to be able to think clearly and react appropriately to things coming at you fast.  People will begin to judge you, have opinions about you, and that can make you feel bad if they are negative.  With a high level of emotional intelligence, you will understand that people’s opinions of you have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with whatever they are experiencing at the time (if you don’t understand this now, you will.  I’ll explain in another post about perception).

3.  People skills become VERY important. Most people aren’t trained in understanding others’ personal style, filters, values and perspective.  Therefore, communication breakdown occurs more often as teams grow and you need more people around you to handle daily activities.  It is imperative that you become a student of people and behavior to be able to hire the right staff, understand their needs and get people to their most productive level.  Once of the biggest mistakes people make when hiring people to work for them is the “warm body” approach.  They take a person with a certain skillset and try to make them do a job they aren’t good at, and then wonder why it isn’t working.  Proactive understanding of people matching to skillsets is a must.

4.  You MUST become a better leader. When more demands are placed on you as you grow, the general tendency is to be like a rat in a cage, trying to run faster and faster on the wheel. Worry that things won’t get done, anxiety over whether people are actually doing the work, when will it get done cause many sleepless nights for fast-growing business owners.

Recently, I was hired by a small business owner to help with this exact issue.  She was working almost 20 hour days, losing sleep over details and she had people she wanted to work with to build a team but didn’t know how.  We restructured her time, I taught her communication and people skills, but most of all, I taught her how to let go without losing control.  As a result, we engaged a team of 5 amazing people to help her.  She reclaimed 47 hours per month.  Doing things right, she hit ALL of her revenue goals within 30 days.

I tell you this because as a small business owner, you don’t always get to see what the big companies do to develop their people.  Big companies spend millions on leadership training, communication training and the like just to help people get along and be more productive and have better performance overall.  Small business owners struggle, not knowing that a different way is so close.

5.  You will learn to say “No”.  Decision-making skills are imperative in helping you deal with success.  Information, requests, communication will all increase, and your ability to say no to time-wasters, distraction, guilt, frustration and overwhelm will become a skill you’ll wish you had a long time ago.  Your goals will become more clear, and so your ability to weed out potentially unproductive opportunities will be heightened as you truly go to that next level.

While there are many other things that go along with sudden success, these are some of the most important.  When your focus turns inward to making yourself a better leader, communicator, influencer and visionary, your entire world will change.  Your success will be sweet, exciting and manageable.

To get started, download the free audio program called The 13 Vital Traits of Super Effective People.  It will open your eyes to getting started on the calm road of success.

Up until the show started, I thought so too.

Then, everything changed and I knew Kris would win.

How did I know?  There were 3 things that clinched it for  me.  All of them unconscious…all of them very telling.  You see, people often do or say things that they have no idea what kinds of clues they’re giving about their disposition.  The current new television show “Lie to Me” is based on showing how people have “micro-expressions” in their face and body language that determines whether or not they are lying.  But there are other things than body language that give away secrets.  Here’s how I knew Kris would win.

Clue #1 – Reuters Article

Reuters published an article yesterday called “American Idol winner appears too close to call”  You can read it here: http://www.reuters.com/article/televisionNews/idUSTRE54J6WV20090520  The article details how call-ins usually determine the front-runner and how predictions are made.  You didn’t even have to read the article to know who the front-runner was.  Whose picture was on the article?  Kris.   That’s clue #1.  If they really didn’t know, they would have put both pictures up there.

Clue #2 – Ryan Seacrest’s language

At the beginning of every American Idol show, Ryan introduces the contestants.  For the last few weeks, he has introduced them in this order:  Adam Lambert, Kris Allen, Danny Gokey, Allison Iraheta.  Last night he introduced them like this:  Kris Allen and Adam Lambert.  Little language clues that he already had the winner’s name.

Clue #3 – Ryan’s body language

When Ryan stood on the stage between the two contestants when they first came out at the beginning of the show, he stood between them equally, shoulder to shoulder to speak to the audience.  While talking, he quietly (and unconsciously) turned to Kris and put his hand on his shoulder.  That was clue #3.

No matter who won, I think both contestants deserve to be stars.  They have talent, charisma and fans in two completely opposite areas, and I’m sure they’ll both do very well.