Not anymore.

As humans, we are all problem solvers, whether we like it or not.  But most, when faced with a problem tend to try to solve it using the resources they already have, like I used to do.  Locking yourself in a room to “figure it out” is probably the worst strategy for success.

It won’t work.

That won’t work, because, in the words of Albert Einstein, “You can’t solve a problem with the same brain that created it.”  But there is a solid, systemic way to solve a problem and it works every time.  Ready?  Here it is:

1.  Admit that you have a problem.  Every day, we talk to business people who are struggling with getting to the next level in their career as an entrepreneur.  And every day, we listen to people justify their problem and try to figure it out for themselves when we, as mentors and consultants, have already done what they are trying to do.  The answer is not in getting more education, creating more products or doing more “stuff”.  First, you must lay down the sword and admit it – you’re stuck.  And you need help.  Hey, I know it’s embarrassing to admit it, but it’s also the right way to move forward.

2.  Take a step back.  Often, when faced with a problem, we rush forward, taking “action in the face of fear”.  Well, that might work for some, but for most, it’s just swinging the sword and not aiming at anything.  Someone is going to get hurt!

3.  Take Inventory.  Sure, on a bad day it might seem like nothing is working, but that’s simply not true.  There are always things (maybe little things) that you can say “Yeah, it’s not perfect but it IS working.”  I had to do this myself the other day.  We are at the end of a massive effort to rework our online presence after the loss of our servers last year.  It has been a very difficult and long journey back, and some days it seems like the problems will never end.  But you know what?  I get to remember that every hour, someone logs into our new server and downloads a copy of the Accidental Millionaire.  It’s working! and I’m thrilled to be able to assist so many more struggling entrepreneurs and help them get themselves out there with their passion.

4.  Do ONE thing.   After you’ve taken inventory, you’ll have a better grasp on where your best profit path lies.  With all of the thought leaders, coaches, consultants, experts and visionaries we work with, idea creation seems to be both a part of the problem and a result of the problem.  When you’re stuck at a certain level and don’t know what to do there is only one thing to do:  GET HELP!  Getting help means admitting to another person that you don’t know the answers.  For many highly educated entrepreneurs, admitting you don’t know the answer is like failing a test – except in THIS school (the school of life) things are exactly backwards – successful people are constantly on the lookout to ask someone so they can accelerate results!   One of my favorite things to ask people is “What do I not know that I should know?”  It always gives an enlightening new approach.

5.  Take one step at a time.  Often, we try to figure out every possible scenario to a solution before we even take any kind of action.  Successful people take one step, evaluate options, take another step, evaluate options, and on and on.  This will happen hundreds of times before you reach your goal, so master this skill of taking little steps and you’ll master taking giant leaps.

Solving problems is a wonderful skill to have, but it IS a learned habit.  I can guarantee though that if you practice this habit, you will be amazed at how your life unfolds.

Leave a comment if you find this helpful and enjoy the ride!

Oh, by the way, this is part of the system I cover in my upcoming new book, “Chaos To Calm: What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do”  I’ll let you know when it’s out.

P.S.  Need a little clarity in your life?  We can help you.  Go to http://www.MyClarityConsult.com and fill out the form.  We’ll be thrilled to connect!

Sometimes you just want to quit.

I have something very personal I want to share today.

This past year, has been one of those upheaval and transformational times for me too.   While we were going through the trials of getting things right in the University, I was also helping my mother through a series of health challenges that put her in the hospital over 20 times between August and May.  For a while during this time last year,

I was going to the emergency room every two weeks, over 72 visits.

During this time, I also got a divorce and lost my two biggest clients on the same day.

So why am I telling you this?  Definitely not to make you feel anything but joy for sharing because while these experiences could have been devastating, I was primarily able to maintain a calm emotional state through the change (yes, there were some very anxious times, but they were relatively short lived)

I could have buried my head in the sand and said “Why me?”

But our clients, people like you, needed more help to get through their own challenges.

And for that I am grateful.

You see, massive change can cause great creativity.  So what did I do?

Well, I put my full effort into making the University the best resource for helping people make change happen that I could. We developed great new ways of helping people manage changes that are going on.  We debuted the Inner Circle the most cost-effective change, producing coaching group.   The list goes on and on.

In a few short weeks, we will be debuting the new Success IQ University community- where people are making change happen.  You are one of those people, and we’re proud to know you.

If change is happening in your life right now, you’re going to be ok.

We’ll do it together…

As you may already know, my personal mission is “Happy People Everywhere.”

It’s also the vision of my company.  We have this vision because we know that when you have emotional intelligence, when you have the life skills that you need, life’s ups and downs get much easier.

Plus, it simply makes me jump for joy when you can laugh over life’s challenges.

I have just received an opportunity to have a blogging contract with the folks at Sam-e for six months to blog about mood and happiness.  This is a perfect fit for me and my heart is bursting with excitement at the opportunity to share the message with millions.

Here’s where you can be a part of this exciting journey…

——————————————————————————————————————-

The contest is open from now through October 30.  What I need from you is one click (vote) per day here:

http://www.sam-e.com/job/profile/250

From today through October 30^th.

——————————————————————————————————————

The top 20 people with highest votes go on to the next round, and it is my goal to be in that group.   (There, I said it out loud.)

Will you help me?

Leave a comment if you’re with me!

Stephanie

Yesterday I went to my first astrology class.  Now, I have no reason to really be in astrology class, as I have no intention of using it in my daily life.

Except….

What I learned was that astrology is a complex set of math, structure, rules and analysis – a wonderful match for my Virgo personality. (okay, I couldn’t help it..)  Anyway, it was at a woman’s house here in town – a woman who has been practicing this work for over 30 years.  She knows her stuff.    Pretty soon, we were knee deep in planets, Signs, Houses, Aspects and a bunch of other things that I really don’t understand at the moment.

So what does this have to do with anything?  Well, observing myself learning I realized that I have a tendency to want to know it all right now, and then get myself overwhelmed.  But there are some things I’ve learned that I want to share today about how to learn something new so you feel confident and secure in your knowledge.  It’s worked for me with computers, protocol, NLP and personal style mastery.  It will work for this too.

The secret is to take the first thing you understand and master it.

The take the next thing you understand and master it.

I know, I know, it’s not rocket science, is it?  But it works.

Of course, I immediately went home and grabbed a chart that I had stashed away.  Brought it up on the computer, all ready to finally understand planetary alignment, aspects, houses and signs.  Ready to unlock the mysteries of my life and take a little peek into the future and see what’s out there.

All I know for sure is that the Sun is in the 7th house.  (hey, isn’t that a song?  or was that a moon?)  Oh well, I guess I don’t really know.  So if I decide to tackle this subject, I will do it like I have done with anything else I’ve mastered…one thing at a time.

Signing off for now…

P.S.  Today is a very special energy day – 9/9/09  It will only come once.   New beginnings and old things leaving.  Tons of new people are coming into our Happy People Everywhere project.  Maybe I’ll get to meet you there soon?  One step at a time…

For many, it is inconceivable that someone famous, wealthy or in the perfect relationship could have anything but joy in their life.  We have little regard for those who are in a better situation than us.  Yet this is a topic that bears discussion, for anyone reading this today who wishes for more success in your life will surely at some point be subjected to many of the same stressors that Michael Jackson did.  (though not to the same degree)

Many of you have written asking me to post on this topic.  Michael Jackson’s demons have been obvious for 2 decades or more.  It has shown greatly through his music.  As his star began to rise with his solo album “Off the Wall”, he wrote songs of life, happiness and joy.  It got more intense with Thriller, as his genius shone through his music.  That’s when the pressure started.  Beginning with the song Carousel (an extra track on Thriller album) Michael begins to show strain.  Consider these lyrics:

She’s from a world
of popcorn and candy
pony rides for a dime
little children laughing

I’m from a world
of disappointment and confusion
But I want her to be mine

I lost my heart
on the carousel
to a circus girl
who left my heart in pieces

While this could be interpreted many ways, I choose to consider these lyrics as an unconscious cry for help.  The carousel representing the throngs of people, opportunities and spotlight suddenly thrust in his face, going round and round in new and unfamiliar territory.  The girl representing fame, adoration and all things that artists want and need in order to have a sustainable public career.  Discovering that it was not as glamorous as it seemed to be, having his personal life suddenly out for display to millions of people when he was already in an emotionally overwhelmed state is like the girl who broke his heart.

Of course, the love of performing, perfecting his singing and dance moves, and pure passion for his work continued to drive him   Additionally his handlers, publicists, managers and advisors would have never said at that time in his career “why don’t you take a rest”  No way.  And so we got the next album, “Bad”.  Another great album, with more obvious cracks coming.

Consider these two tracks – “Man in the Mirror”  and “Leave me Alone”.  While the second is a pretty obvious title, Man in the Mirror clearly takes an introspective look at the world around.  He says:

I’ve been the victim of
a selfish kind of love
It’s time that I realize
there are some with no home
not a nickel to loan
could it really be pretending that they’re not alone?

As fame consumed him even more, Leave me alone became an interesting development in what I believe is a major shift in his ability to handle the pressures of success.  He says the words “Leave me Alone” 31 times in this song, and again refers to the “girl” this way:

There Was A Time I Used To
Say Girl I Need You
But Who Is Sorry Now
You Really Hurt, You Used To
Take And Deceive Me
Now Who Is Sorry Now
You Got A Way Of Making Me
Feel So Sorry
I Found Out Right Away
Don’t You Come Walkin’-
Beggin’ I Ain’t Lovin’ You
Don’t You Get In My Way

Here the same “girl” he was chasing takes on a very new and different persona.  But probably the most haunting lyrics came out of a song on the next album, Dangerous.  The song Will you Be There not just hints at, but begs for help.  Consider these lyrics:

Everyone’s taking control of me
Seems that the world’s
Got a role for me
I’m so confused
Will you show to me
You’ll be there for me
And care enough to bear me

At this point in his life, Michael Jackson could not even cross the street, go out in public, or go to the grocery store to pick up a gallon of milk.  Almost all normal human behaviors were now unavailable to him due to his fame.  If he went out, he would get mobbed.   When he did venture out, it was in costume.  The emotional downside of that kind of success – the lonliness, self-doubt, lowered self-esteem, regret, sorrow, pain and fear is rarely talked about.  But it should be.  After all, we all want success, do we not?  And yet, people are not taught how to manage emotions, relationships, finances, career, mental and physical health when suddenly on the fast track to success.

At the memorial service, Marlon Jackson bravely shared his thoughts about Michael’s inability to have a normal life:

The next stages of breakdown further showed in the spoken lyrics of Will you Be There, as Michael showed the emotional side of questioning life purpose.  This is a very emotional and important piece of life and certainly not only at the feet of people with a certain amount of public celebrity.  Questioning purpose is on the lips and minds of every successful executive, business owner, entrepreneur, and anyone with a fast-moving life or career.  Purpose is the all important question that we alone must answer – and it wasn’t clear whether Michael ever did get that answer for himself, as he spoke in the song:

In our darkest hour
In my deepest despair
Will you still care?
Will you be there?
In my trials
And my tripulations
Through our doubts
And frustrations
In my violence
In my turbulence
Through my fear
And my confessions
In my anguish and my pain
Through my joy and my sorrow
In the promise of another tomorrow
I’ll never let you part
For you’re always in my heart.

The descent further carried itself out in later albums with song lyrics such as “Scream”, “They don’t care about us”, “Blood on the dance floor”, “Morphine”,”Ghosts”, “Is it Scary?” “Cry”, ”Privacy” and “Threatened”.  It doesn’t take much analysis to figure out the downward slide that these songs shared consciously or unconsciously with the audience.  This was a person in great pain.  It was a pain of fame, but most importantly a pain from the pure lack of emotional intelligence that was so sorely needed for him to have been able to enjoy life.

So while this is my own personal opinion on the lyrics, I will say this:  you do not have to be a celebrity to experience similar kinds of emotional breakdown as you experience sudden or increased success.  Emotional intelligence (your ability to manage and experience your emotions) is at the root of whether you will ultimately be happy in your life, purposeful in your work and passionate about your activities.  When you have these things, you will have the world….at the best price – peace.

1. You can’t succeed alone. Every story of success is a story of people working together, each contributing their own unique talents, skillsets and abilities. Do what you do best. And let others fill in the gaps.

2. Perseverance always wins. You can’t fail if you don’t quit. Find yet another way to make it work. Whatever *it* is for you. As Winston Churchill said in Britain’s darkest hour, “Never, never, never give up.”

3. Take time from your busi-ness every day – even if only 10 or 15 minutes – to center yourself. Some call it meditation. It’ll make you more effective and you’ll accomplish much more.

4. If you don’t like where you are today, don’t expect tomorrow to be any different without change. Change your attitude, your priorities, your activities. Change from being rea-c-tive to being c-rea-tive.

5. You are a product of your thoughts. It’s true that ‘thoughts are things’. Whatever you think about most of the time is what you create in your life. Hint: If you want more than you think you have now, don’t *ever* give energy to thoughts of lack.

6. You always receive what you give. Consequently, if you want help, be helpful. If you want honest relationships, be truthful. If you want success, help others get what they want. If you want love, be loving. The corollary is that you always find what you’re looking for.

7. Life really is like a movie. You write the script. You’re the star, director & critic. And like a movie, it ends. What’s important in life is not just the journey, but the quality of the journey. That’s why it’s important to make every day the best it can be, ‘cuz now is all you have.

What the heck. You might as well enjoy life. None of us are gettin’ out alive.

Everywhere she looked, something needed to be done. Bills were stacked, envelopes strewn about, unopened cards and grocery receipts cluttered the room. All she needed was a good filing system – how hard could that be?

Every day, smart people get caught in the “it should be so easy why can’t I do it” trap. Spending hours on a task or project that is not in your core strengths can make you feel frustrated, which in turn makes you feel dumb, which in turn blows your self-confidence. It’s a viscous, never ending, self-defeating cycle that can literally be changed in a moment.

Imagine for a moment that you are now out into the future, in a place where you are using all of your strengths. You feel happy, joyful and competent. You are only working on the projects and tasks that suit your skills and strengths. Self-confidence soars.

Yet many are stuck in jobs and tasks that not only are not right for them, but actually cause lack of self-confidence. According to Gang & Gang, a research firm in Salem, Massachusetts, as many as 55% of all people are in the wrong career or job. For entrepreneurs trying to wear multiple hats, this number can be even higher as they attempt to fill multiple roles in their small company, causing not only lack of self-confidence, but lost profits, and lost productivity.

To begin the process of discovering how to become more self confident:

1. Take inventory. Take a written inventory of all of the tasks you do in a week. Everything. From household chores to email to whatever you do for work, write them all down.

2. Categorize the tasks. For each task, write an “H” for household/personal, “A” for administrative, “P” for productive and “SM” for sales/marketing or tasks that make you or your company money.

3. Offload what you’re doing that is wasting time (or that you’re not good at). If you are not good at paying the bills on time and you miss a payment, your self confidence will take a hit. Hiring a good bill paying service is inexpensive and saves your self confidence. If you don’t like doing the yard work, pay the kid next door to take care of it. You’ll help the economy and free up your time to do more of what you love. Play more. Visit with relatives. Start a side business. Go to your kids soccer games. Whatever you want. With confidence.

Now that you know 3 simple steps to improving your self confidence, all you need to do is put them in action. There’s nothing wrong with you. When you find yourself doing the things you love, you’ll find that your self confidence automatically improves.

Stephanie Frank works with people who want to improve performance and pump up their power to profit. She is the author of the best-selling book, The Accidental Millionaire and founder of The Success IQ University, specializing in peak performance, productivity and leadership coaching and education. For a FREE audio program “The 13 Vital Traits of Super Effective People, go here: http://www.FreeSuccessTrainingAudio.com